I just re-read yesterday’s blog post. I’m surprised I didn’t get any “OMG, you are pathetic, woman!” comments. Thank you for that.
But after getting through today’s procedure, weeping a little in the middle of it, and letting out a loud yelp each time I try to sit down with my leg bent, I want to send my body a little love note. It deserves even more, but it’s a start.
My dearest body,
I want to apologize to you for treating you so badly. When I was young, I fed you all the wrong foods and didn’t move you about as much as you wanted to. I was embarrassed by you. I didn’t think you were graceful and when you ran, I thought I could see all of your little fat rolls bounce up and down, so I made you stop. I started to smarten up a little when we got to college, though, right? Lifting weights and taking walks was a nice way to ease into getting you into shape. And then we got on that plane and flew to California for 5 months. That’s where I started to fall for you. The people we met were so at ease with themselves and it was obvious how much they loved life and each other, including us. Jo, Becky, Lea, Gary, Moriah, Matt, Sean, Yvette, Lou, Memo, Ron and many others. They showed us how to love ourselves, didn’t they? I started to feed you better, took you walking every day, cut your hair. You were beautiful. I fell in love with you during those few months. The friends we made brought the best out in both of us.
When we got back home, the love fest continued for a while. I treated you well, worked out, ate good foods. Then we fell in and out of love a few times….and started binging….then purging….for a year. But we got past that and we fell in love with and married Walter. He treated us how we should of been treating ourselves all along. He loved us, pampered us, treated us well.
Years went by and you and I continued the rollercoaster ride of our love/hate relationship. You had to go through 4 surgeries for your varicose veins (with today’s procedure being the fourth), the doctors had to open you up and free a fallopian tube so little Briar boy could finally be created, then opened you again so he could be born by caesarean section. These past few years have been a little better though, don’t you think? You’ve been running and looking so lean and beautiful and strong. I know I’ve been mean to you sometimes, refusing to eat or badgering you after you ate a little bit too much. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. I want to do better by you. I want to treat you like Walter and Briar and my friends treat you–with praise and compliments. I want to feed you those foods that make you feel good and encourage you to move the way you want to. If you want to dance in the grocery store, then go ahead! If you want to run but can’t do it quite yet, let’s go for a lovely walk and throw in a few hip-shaking moves to make us feel better. Let’s do this, body. Please.
You are a tall, slender, intelligent, beautiful woman, and I want you around for as long as possible. I will do my best to stop criticizing you, comparing you to other people and calling you names. You are an incredible human being and I am so happy to have you.
I love you, body, and I am so happy and grateful that you’re mine.
Let’s take care of each other,