Month: June 2015

by

Friendship is Magic?

Since I was a child, I have had a lot of friends. I’ve always been the “good listener,” the friend who will support you in any and all of your decisions, the one who understands you and is insightful and who is compassionate and giving and blah, blah, blah.

Well, I’m done with all of that. I can no longer be everyone’s friend. I am just too tired and too annoyed to keep up this façade.

I have friends of many religions and faiths, including Christians, Jews, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Pagans, Atheists, Agnostics and those that just call themselves spiritual. I have friends that are Democrats, Republicans, Green Party, Independent, and those that no longer care. I have friends that are black, white, brown and multi-colored. I have friends that are gay, straight, bisexual, and asexual. I intend to continue to be friends with all of you…but I no longer guarantee it.

A few days ago, the U.S. Supreme Court made same-sex marriage legal in our country. It is something I had hoped for but honestly didn’t think I would see. I am proud that my son gets to grow up in a country that recognizes people like his uncles (my brother and his partner) have the same legal right to marry as his parents did. It never made sense to him (or me or many others) as to why they couldn’t marry to begin with. And the fact that what we believed should have been true, now is, our lives feel a little better. Like our equilibrium has been restored.

But obviously not everyone feels the same way. Some of my friends on Faceimages5CUW7MLLbook had other things to say, and after looking at the people they were, I realized that I didn’t need to be “friends” with them. It wasn’t the fact that they had different beliefs, although that is why I first thought to examine our so-called friendship. It was because we weren’t ever really friends. They were all high school classmates of mine, but they were people that I didn’t really know anymore. And did I ever know them then?

 

During my senior year of high school, my friend Matt and I were named “Best All Around.” Matt was (and is) a good guy. He’s funny, attractive, athletic, intelligent and sweet. I think I was all of those things, except take out the attractive and athletic and insert “big girl.” But I was everyone’s friend…or at least I was friendly with everyone. I didn’t hate anyone nor had bad feelings about my classmates. I could stop at just about any table in the lunchroom and there’d be at least one person I could and would talk to. I don’t think it was because I was especially kind or friendly, I think it’s because I wanted everyone to like me. To be disliked or perhaps unwanted, was my biggest fear.

But you know what? Being disliked is no longer my biggest fear. Becoming a “big girl” again might be up there on my list of scary things, but one thing I do know is that I can’t be everyone’s friend. I can’t like everybody. Not everyone deserves to be liked by me. And the energy it takes to be true friends with someone with very different opinions than your own? It’s a HUGE amount of energy, people. I know this because I married someone like that.

When my husband and I first started dating, we were both completely open to others’ opinions. We were young and wanted to listen and learn from each other and it didn’t matter that we were polar opposites. We have different political and religious viewpoints…and favorite foods and hobbies and how we place the toilet paper on the roll. He’s conservative, I’m liberal. I’m an Agnostic, he’s not. He likes Miracle Whip, I like mayonnaise. He likes beef, I like chicken. I like to run, he’d rather crawl. We differ so much that sometimes….sometimes it really is too hard. We argue over issues outside of our control (abortion, Rush Limbaugh, President Obama) and occasionally we get so upset that we can no longer hear what the other person is saying. (Kind of like Congress?) Eventually tempers recede or we’ll say something so preposterous that we both start laughing and we’re ok again. But all of that is exhausting. Now don’t get me wrong. I love my husband and am happy I married him. He’s a good guy with a big heart. I just wish he wouldn’t cancel out my vote every election day. 🙂

So…all of that energy it takes to maintain the relationship with my spouse? I have none to spare when it comes to my friends. None. If it’s not easy, then it won’t happen. Even when some of my best friendships start feeling a little difficult because of one issue or another? I tend to back off and wait for the other person to come to me. I can no longer be that person who initiates the gathering or is the mediator for your discussions. I can’t always be that person who listens to you and offers advice. I’m done. I will no longer apologize for what I believe in or what I think. I have been above and beyond tolerant with so many people for so long.

Now it’s your turn.

 

 

 

 

by

Jackie Robinson, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and Me

42.

That’s the age I became at 11:51pm yesterday and so far I think it’s a good age to be. I’m in a decent place in my life. I’m able to run 4 times a week again and am in pretty good shape, although with more “fluffiness” then I’d like. I’m attempting to let that go, and today, after seeing photos of me with that damn muffin top, I still think I’m pretty cute. Skinned knees and all.

DSCN3029

My son is doing well, and although we have a bit of a rough road ahead, we’re off to a decent start of the summer with weekly basketball competitions and many planned swimming pool visits. Hopefully my husband will be part of these physical activities, but we’ll have to wait and see.

Being a librarian is still a good thing for me to be. I sometimes think I want to do something else so I can be with my boy more, but I don’t think I can. I’m not brave enough to jump ship without a safety net, like some of my courageous friends. As much as I’d love to write for a living or go back to school to be an accountant (no joke), I’m in a place in my career AND in my life, where I’m just not willing to rock the boat. Does that mean I’ll never be great like the 42-wearing Jackie Robinson? Probably. But do I care?

Well….not really. Being “average” is not a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong, I still strive to be better in my work, my parenting, my running and in some of my relationships. But to be great? It just sounds like too much work, like something would have to be sacrificed and I’m just not willing to do that right now. Maybe ever.

I remember being in a meeting once with other librarians, and I said that I wasn’t willing to work past closing time. Several of my colleagues laughed at me and said, “Must be nice!” I was seriously annoyed at the time, but after a while I realized that those people were willing to sacrifice more than I was. I get home less than 90 minutes before my child goes to bed, so if I want to talk to and see my kid before he moves out, I better get my ass home as soon as the library closes. Period.

You know, I really don’t believe that a person can have it all–the career, the family, the social life. Something will suffer or maybe even everything.  And even if you don’t strive to have it all, nothing will ever be perfect or even “just the way you want it.”

I think in life there are good days and bad days. Maybe a perfect moment or two or a hundred. And if you’re lucky, you’ll realize that perfect moment as it’s happening and you’ll appreciate it and remember it and hold onto it.

Who knows, maybe Douglas Adams was right. Maybe 42 IS the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything, or rather the year in turning 42 you will find that answer.

Or was it 54?

Only time will tell, I guess. Until then, enjoy those moments of perfection, my friends. And may they be too many to count. ❤

 

 

by

Keep Your Dogs Under Control

This is why dog owners must tie their dogs up when outside or have a fence the animals cannot jump over.

DSCN3008 DSCN3010 DSCN3011 DSCN3012

I just began my run, literally only a minute into it, when this small dog tripped me. I never even saw him. I did hear his little feet on the pavement but the next thing I knew I was on the ground, face first. This dog didn’t bite me, but it finally did what I’ve been dreading for the past few years when I run past this house. It has nearly tripped me on many occasions.  I know at least one person that has kicked it (and no, it wasn’t me) because this runner didn’t want the dog to bite or trip them either.

You have a responsibility as a dog owner to keep control of them. No matter the size of the dog, they can still hurt someone.

by

Nothing like a good book…

This morning, my run began horriblly. I had to walk after just a 1/4 mile because my back and hip didn’t seem aligned. I had a painful hitch back there and running was nearly impossible. After a minute it felt better so I started running again…for another minute. This went on for nearly a mile, until finally my body felt “right” and I could continue on. I really wanted to get 5 miles in because I want to do more next weekend. So once my body felt ready to go, I got running.

While on this run, my mind kept wandering to different topics like, “Crap, I forgot to wear sunblock” and “Why is that guy walking around in the field? Maybe I should run faster” and “I really need to change up my playlist.” Finally my thoughts focused on summer reading. Why? I have no clue. I often think about sex when I run because….well, why not? It just feels good!

But today, I started to think about what librarians in the public libraries always face each summer—the dreaded summer reading list. Admittedly, very few parents or students bring these into my library. Occasionally I’ll get a couple of folks who are worried about their kiddos’ reading level, so they get a list from their teachers to try and help them. Now…I’m probably a teacher’s worst nightmare. I don’t discourage picking from the list the teachers provide, but I DO add a few titles I think the kid would actually want to read.

For instance, this book:

fartsquad

I know. Disgusting, isn’t it? Fart Squad by Seamus Pilger is about four kids that get super fart powers due to a bunch of bad burritos served at their school cafeteria. It’s filled with so many butt and fart jokes, that you can’t do anything but laugh.  And I guarantee it’s not on any summer reading list. But it should be. Not because it’s filled with vocabulary words you want your child to know (although flatulence is a GREAT word!), nor is it great storytelling. But it’s fun. And although my child already likes to read, he can’t wait to read this at nighttime.

We’ve been using this as our read-aloud for the past few nights, but today, we used it to fill in a little gap of time. In my last blog, I talked about my son’s weight problem and how things need to change in our  household. Fortunately they are. One thing that my boy needs to do every weekend is to earn his screen time. The timer was set this afternoon and he knew he couldn’t watch tv or play video games while the timer was on. After having various “gun battles,” I suggested we read a smidge from Fart Squad. My boy agreed and he became so engrossed in the silly but hilarious story, that he never heard the timer buzz to let him know he could play a video game. And I didn’t tell him…until later. 😉 Normally the kid would be running to the computer when that buzzer went off, but not today.

Of course there are some fantastic reads for kids out there that they will enjoy, that are not filled with fart jokes. And I promise you I am not trying to tell you how to parent, because we ALL have our particular battles to fight and obstacles to overcome. I just ask that you find or allow at least one book for your child this summer, that he or she WANTS to read. If it’s already on that summer reading list you got from the school, then bonus for everyone! And if it’s a book of jokes filled with potty humor, then it may be a long summer for you. Yet if your kid is reading and enjoying it, then won’t it be a good summer?