Like every year, 2024 was filled with many losses.

My husband stopped working in February. We’ve suffered many bouts of unemployment over the years, but this one will never be overcome. Even, someday, when he gets the disability he both deserves and has a right to, that money will never cover our losses, But it will give us another start and we’ll at least be able to keep moving forward. One day.

With Walter’s sickness, comes the loss of the life we used to have. Taking walks or short hikes is something we used to do together–well…when I made him. 🙂 But it was still possible. Now any hiking is completely out of the picture. Short walks might add up to 1/4 of a mile, but those are extremely rare. Even shopping trips are usually unreachable. Of course, with the loss of that particular life, a new one has emerged. It’s not one that makes me happy, but we do what we have to, right? Caregiving tasks are now part of my life and fortunately they’re not daily right now. I’m sure some folks would be much more grateful than I am, to be able to help care for my spouse when needed. I’m glad he’s not worse than he is, but sometimes gratitude is tough to come by.

And of course, along with those losses, comes the losing of our friends and family.

Beverly, Marcia, Lois, Adam, Virginia, Kim, Alden, Judy, Sal.

Each person meant something to me, some more than others. A few people were library patrons that became friends. Some were family and some were chosen family. They all had three things in common: they were all loved my me, they were all loved by others, and they all felt loved.

I think the one thing we seem to want more than anything is to be loved and feel loved. Don’t you agree?

Just so you know that 2024 was not completely horrendous, it was also filled with fun, adventures and beauty. Here a list in no particular order:

Trip to Belize with 4 of my favorite women (ok that one is first for a reason!), Washington DC visit with son and spent time with dear friends in Maryland, Watching my son play football for the first time, Visiting the Auschwitz Exhibit in Boston with my sister and son, Joined a gym, Having the author Katherine Center like my review of her novel, Meeting authors Chris Van Dusen, Amanda Peters and Steven Rowley, Hearing my son’s excitement about the colleges he’s applied to, Listening to and watching Louise Penny (in person) discuss her work, Taking walks and having meals with friends and family, Reading some extraordinary novels, Voted onto the Funeral Consumers Alliance of Maine board, Continuing to be a hospice volunteer and hang out with my favorite older couple each Sunday, Being able to live in a heated and cooled home each day.

And writing this blog. It fulfills something in me that I’m not always aware I need. But I do. Especially now.

Thanks for hanging out with me tonight. I always have hope that the next year will be better. I’m not having a lot of that hope right now for 2025, but I *am* excited to see what adventures my child will embark on. I think I just need to concentrate on him and not worry about the rest.

Love to you all. Happy New Year.