Over the past 8 months, I’ve ever so slowly gained 8 pounds.  Big deal, right?  When I was 252 pounds, I would have said the same thing.  I would have been irritated at this person who appears slim-like, runs a few days a week, and eats salad every day.  So she gained a few pounds? Who the hell cares?!? She looks great, so why is she bitching so much?

Why? Because this slim-like gal looks in the mirror and sees that 252 pound girl looking back.  That heavy girl was angry and sad and ate every emotion that came her way. She was more unhappy than anyone could imagine.  I can’t be that person anymore.  I don’t want to forget her, but I can’t be her. Thus, I need to lose 8 pounds. (Odd logic, I know, but this is how my mind works.)

My motivation for losing this weight isn’t just the fact that I’m afraid to become obese again. It’s also the little things, like my pants not fitting as well as before, or how sometimes I just feel so squishy.  Eight pounds might not sound like a lot, but once your metabolism slows down a bit, it can seem more like 80 pounds. (My sister warned me that the day I turned 40, my metabolism would go down the crapper.  I hate it when she’s  right.)

So….how do I go about this?  Weight Watchers? Atkins? The Vegetable Soup Diet?

Back  in 2009, I was inspired by the book, The Big Skinny by Carol Fay. It’s a graphic novel about a woman who loses weight by just eating sensibly, counting calories and increasing her physical activity. I lost over 40 pounds by doing it this way.    We all know that losing weight isn’t rocket science, but why does it seem so damn difficult?  It’s slow going and we just want it all gone RIGHT NOW!  People always say, “Well, you didn’t put the weight on overnight, so you can’t expect to lose it overnight.”  Yeah, honey, I know, but please stop reminding me because you are seriously pissing me off.

*sigh*

See?  Aren’t you glad you don’t have to live or work with me?!?

Anyway, I decided that this time around, I needed a little more motivation than just my pants fitting better.  I signed up on stickK.com to “commit” to lose weight.  I put my money where my mouth is, people.  And for me, money is a HUGE motivator.  Here’s what I did: I committed to lose at least a half pound a week for 16 weeks to get me back to my 165 pounds that I love so much.  I have a “referee” who is supposed to make sure I stay on track and who gives me encouragement. I can also have supporters to cheer me on each week.  Ok, but here’s the kicker.  If I DON’T lose a half pound a week….I have to give $5 each week to my “anti-charity.”  In other words, I would have to give money to a group that I didn’t like and would never, ever support.  In this case, I chose the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy—they are against gay marriage.  Trust me, folks, I would cut out my tongue before I give money to this organization, which is why I picked it.   If this doesn’t encourage me and keep me from eating that bag of chips, then nothing will.

I won’t lie, though. This has been very, very difficult for me. I’m  3 weeks in and have lost 4 pounds, but oh my word I am sooooo hungry!!  I wasn’t running when I lost weight before, and I’m having a very hard time not eating a cow the day after a long run.  (I’m usually ok the day of, but the day after is a killer.)  I’ve had many weak and exhausted moments, and more grumpy days than my co-workers can count.

Back a few years ago, if I ate more than I wanted to, I’d add a bit more exercise into my routine.   But now? I already exercise every day (although only run 4 days a week). So I feel I have to be more strict about my caloric intake, which makes me a bit….obsessive…..compulsive….bat-shit crazy.   I am really, really trying to do this the right way, just like I did before….eating lots of vegetables and fruit, no artificial sweetened garbage. Just real food, good food, and still the occasional yummy like a chocolate bar or DQ vanilla ice cream……mmmmmm…ice cream……

Wait….what?  Where was I?

Phew! Ok, got it.  As I was saying, I like that it’s only 8 pounds, and not 50, but it’s still just as difficult…..as you can see.  I’m pretty ticked at myself, though, for letting my weight get this far up.  I’ve been really diligent over the past three years in staying within 2 to 3 pounds of 165.  I liked it there. I felt good and looked decent. Admittedly, I got a bunch of people asking me if I was well, if I was ok. I hadn’t been in the hospital, had I?  It was nice to hear people concerned about me, but they didn’t realize that this is what I’m supposed to look like!  They had only known me as fat or chunky or full-figured. My “norm” had become their “norm” as well.  But no, folks, I’m not physically ill. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been.  We can discuss my mental health at another time. 😉

So….4 more pounds to go.  Can I do it?   Will my family and co-workers survive the next few months?  Will the Institute of Marriage and Public Policy get my money?

Shall we make a bet?