I know. I know you’re angry with me. Last week, you made it very clear you were pissed off. I realize now that you were trying to tell me several weeks ago, with those little twinges. But…..can you please tell me why? What did I do wrong? Have I treated you badly?
I eat right, Pancreas, you know I do. I exercise—and don’t tell me running hurt you because that’s bullshit and you sound just like my father when you say that. I rarely drink alcohol. You and I know my weekly glass of wine (or margarita) did not do this.
So what is it? TELL ME!!
Is it….could it….is this because of how I spoke to you and my entire body? Because I hated you and criticized you and wished you were something else? But…it wasn’t YOU, it was the rest of my body! You know! My belly, my arms, legs, back, ass….
I guess it sounds like the *entire* body, huh? But don’t you remember? I told you and the whole body that I would love it more this year, that this was the year I would appreciate all of you and realize all the gifts you give me. I didn’t do that?
No. I guess I didn’t. I’ve really tried though. I’m trying to love all of you and not nitpick about my saggy stomach (which I greatly appreciate that sagginess now that it’s not filled with 10 pounds of fluid!) or my floppy arms or my aching back. And Pancreas? I do love you, no matter how much you hurt me. I need you and I love you. I love that in the past, you’ve allowed me to eat nearly anything I wanted (besides gluten, but that’s not your fault) and you worked so perfectly as I fueled my body to get ready to run races and along my road and even a half-marathon last year. Remember? You’ve been amazing to me. I appreciate you. I truly do.
I will do whatever it takes to win your love back. I will eat bland and mashed food (like the doctor ordered) until you heal…until you feel like yourself….until you feel worthy of my love once again. I’ll even listen to Weird Al’s song, Pancreas, just for you.
We *will* live in harmony once again, Pancreas. We’ll have a milkshake or even an apple, and it will feel good. There will be no pain. It will be like this never happened. Like it was just a bad dream.
I’ll take care of you, Pancreas. I love you.