For some women, menopause is an ugly word. I know women that felt their femininity would no longer exist as soon as their menstrual cycle ceased. Personally, I think that’s bullshit, but I can understand the sentiment. Being a woman has a different definition for each of us, and if bleeding each month is what defines you, so be it.
Perimenopause, however, is a slightly different creature. This is the transition period, the yellow brick road *to* permanent infertility, something I’m looking forward to. (I love my child but I don’t need another.) Yet like so many other transitions (potty training, puberty, newly married), perimenopause can be a bitch.
I’ve been going through this for about a year now, but these past few months have been horrific. I know there have been other issues that have made a huge impact on me and my emotions (lack of running, family’s health problems, etc.), but the way my moods have been swinging from high to low and even lower still, reminds me of my teen years. In other words, it’s hell.
If someone asked me if I would ever go back in time to my high school years to do something different, I’d say “Hell no!” and run from the person. Not only was I fat and miserable back then, but I cried for no reason and the many, many times I was angry at someone or something, I ate and ate until the anger dissipated.
Fortunately, I no longer eat away my anger, but I yell or run it out. (But since I haven’t been able to run lately….well…let’s say I’ve had to apologize a lot to both my family and my co-workers.) The mood swings though….oh man, the mood swings. Today, I had a 5-minute conversation with my husband that started with happy chatting to angry barking to calm talking and finally to tears. That was all from me and not him. He was happily chatting, then was on alert the rest of the conversation, looking slightly baffled. I apologized AGAIN, and told him it was going to be a rough 10 years. A DECADE OF THIS?!? No one will survive if this is how it’s going to be.
Tomorrow, a trip to the drugstore is needed. Have you heard of Estroven? It’s supposed to be some kind of natural supplement that can help “reduce hormone-related irritability.” My doctor told me to give it a try. I know folks used to use black cohosh a lot to help with this stuff, but my doc told me to stay away from it. Apparently it can cause problems with your liver, and since I had pancreatitis this summer? Yeah. Let’s be good to my internal organs, shall we?
If you’ve experienced any of this perimenopausal craziness, I’d love to hear about it and what you did to help yourself.
And if you’re emailing from a prison or a mental institution because of the result of said craziness, I’ll be happy to send you chocolate….or maybe a box of Estroven.