Tomorrow, this little boy will be eight-years-old.
Ok, I know he doesn’t look like that anymore, yet that image is still what I see sometimes when I look at my little guy. I see that same sweetness and innocence and a little bit of wisdom that I’m not sure he even knows he has.
My son is in no way perfect. His penmanship is atrocious, his table manners have a lot to be desired, and he’s a bit smelly. He still can’t tie his shoes, when he brushes his teeth I usually make him do it twice because you’d never know he brushed after the first time, and the boy loves video games more than nearly anything in this world. The only toys he really likes to play with are toy weapons (guns, swords, and lightsabers). Sometimes his tics drive me mad even though I know they’re not his fault, I truly wish he’d blow his nose more instead of snorting or wiping it on his sleeve and of course, I wish he liked to run—even just a little.
And yet….I think this boy is the greatest thing in existence. His empathy for other people astounds me. His wordsmith skills are top notch. I love how much he cares about his cats, but also that he can purr like one! The fact that he not only loves to read but loves to read to others just makes my heart sing. His observations of the world are just so pure, so free of prejudice and fear and hatred (“But *why* do some people think gay people are bad because they’re gay? I don’t get it. That’s just silly!”). He’s tall and has the cutest lips and ears and the most beautiful brown eyes that often con me into doing things for him that I really shouldn’t. (Maybe he’s not really a Jedi but a Sith….)
This boy loves me with such unadulterated love. His love feels so complete and absolute. It’s not unconditional, mind you. He needs love and caring from me, too. But the trust that is tied in with his love can feel a little scary at times. I do NOT want to fail this kid. This little person *knows* I’ll keep him safe and won’t lie to him and will provide any answers that he needs, and that I’ll always love him. That’s a lot for a person to live up to. But I suppose that’s exactly what I signed up for on April 20, 2007.
I’ve done the best that I could up to this point and will continue to do so. I’ve tried to keep him safe (although I dropped him on his head when he was a baby), I try not to lie to him (although it may be time for Santa and I to have a discussion) and I *have* provided LOTS of answers that he needed to know (recently had many conversations about bodies, sex and sexuality).
And the always loving him part? That, my friends, is the easiest thing to do. How can you not love someone who thinks you’re one of the greatest people to ever live? How can you not feel deep affection for this boy who adores both Star Wars and My Little Pony? How can you not cherish this person who continually gives great hugs and wants to dance in the kitchen with you? I can’t. It would be impossible for me not to love him.
I have never needed or wanted to love someone more.
Happy birthday, my sweet baby boy.