It actually happened.

Two weeks ago, I went on vacation with 4 of my favorite humans. To say we had the time of our lives was an understatement. When you laugh so hard each night that you cry and have a belly ache, you know you are surrounded by people that you not only love, but love spending time with.

We traveled to Belize and had the most amazing time. I can truly say it was the best five days of my life. Things at home were not wonderful while I was gone, but I had to keep telling myself that I just needed to let it go. Mostly I did.

Here are some highlights: saw numerous creatures at the Belize Zoo, including spider monkeys (where I cried because I felt like my brother was there, feeling just as excited to be so close to these lovelies); had a beach day where we all swam in the warm water, drank margaritas on the beach, and played cornhole in our bathing suits; went to the Xunantunich Mayan Ruins with a very informed and funny guide, climbed the massive structure and saw lizards and bats along the way; experienced cave tubing; visited a cacao farm and had a hand in making chocolate; swam under the waterfalls; had a massage (thanks, Trish!); ate delicious dishes and fresh fruit each day; heard and saw so many different types of birds that I’ve never seen or heard before; swam in the pool; went for a run; shopped a little; tried to speak Spanish a teensy bit; and drank and laughed each night.

There are hundreds of more photos that I get to look at each day. I did not take a ton (maybe 100), but thanks to my friends, we had over 500 (probably much more) to look at and do what we want with. Many of the ones I haven’t shared are all of us hanging out at the pool on our last full day in Belize. Looking at photos from that afternoon just gives me such good feelings. We were warm and our bellies full and we were enjoying the water and each other’s company. Hell, that was really every day of the vacation.

I know how lucky I am to have been able to travel to another country, to take a vacation, to spend it with my friends. I know how lucky I am to have these friends (and many others) that I have known for most of my life–over 35 years–and still love them and call them my family. They bring me joy and so much damn laughter.

I knew that when I came back from this dream vacation, I would need to hold onto the memories because life at home was and is hard. I cried the day before we left Belize. I knew that my life wasn’t going to feel this carefree and fun for a very long time.

My husband was not able to work while I was away and is now no longer working at all. Between congestive heart failure and now the neuropathy in his feet due to diabetes, there is no other way around it. Our health insurance ends this month and I will start paying for insurance that isn’t as good through my work, but at least it’s something. We will lose our doctor, our favorite doctor we’ve had for years, because he doesn’t take this new insurance. And now we’ve contracted with a lawyer to help my husband apply for disability. If all goes well, he might be able to receive SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance)–the thing we’ve been paying for all of our lives–in a year…or two…or three.

We, in short, are all grieving so many things this week.

I’ll be able to look on the bright side of things tomorrow. Or maybe it’ll have to wait another day. Either way, I did have Belize. For that, I will be forever grateful.

Take care of each other, friends. I appreciate you.

Hugs to you all. ❤